I WON TWO TICKETS TO THE JULY 27 LIVE PERFORMANCE OF 'THE SMASHING PUMPKINS'!!!!!

Wicked
Again, your illustrations are right on!
The last few were over the top.

HERE, I'LL HELP YOU.


I was working on the central coast of California when we got a call form the Sheriff/Coroner to respond to a suicide. It was a weekend, so the useless coroner's investigators were off playing golf or pocket pool. A brand new, part-time helper was in the office, so I took him with me.

We arrived at a modest residence in town and were ushered into the closed garage by the local detectives. Billy had gotten caught cheating on his girlfriend for the 25th time. This time, she broke up with him. The previous night, he called her house repeatedly and finally threatened suicide, if she didn't come over to his parents house (for some make up sex). Once again she declined, he threatened to kill himself and she hung up on him.

This time, true to his word, Billy went out to the garage, set up a noose on the rafter, got up on his motorcycle , put the rope around his neck and jumped. When my new worker and I got there, Billy was hanging about 3 feet above the garage floor. Billy's parents were in the house, still screaming and hollering ABOUT THE GIRLFRIEND.

Two Detectives (dumb and dumber) were offering advise as to how to get Billy down and onto our cot.
This wasn't, by far, my first hanging and I knew how to move and remove bodies from every place known to man. I set up a ladder that was in the garage and got ready to use a time tested technique to get Billy back to the mortuary. I told my new employee what we were going to do and asked if he was up for it. I moved our mortuary cot into position. One of the cops climbed the ladder and without any warning said: "Here, I'll help you." and promptly cut the hanging rope.

Billy plummeted towards our cot at an angle, just as I planned. But we were not in position to catch and lower Billy. Instead, Billy slammed head to head into my new worker, knocking my new hire stupid and opening up a 2 inch cut on his forehead. Billy bounced off the cot and did a head first pile drive into the concrete. Billy's skull cracked like a coconut and blood oozed out of his melon as well as my employee's.

I had never, up to this point, cussed out a cop, let alone a detective face to face. I lost MY shit. "What the fuck is wrong with you, you stupid mother-fucker?" "Get on your fucking radio and call my partner a fucking ambulance, you dumb son of a bitch..." I continued offering variations on that theme until the ambulance arrived and took care of my worker. The two cops slinked off as I got Billy into my meat wagon. Simi-composed, went in and spoke to Billy's parents.

I apologized to the parents and explained why I had torn into the cops. They told me that the detectives were pushing Billy's body back and fourth and making jokes, when they didn't think the parents could hear them. I suggested they call the Chief of Police and the Sheriff's office and complain. They apparently did complain, but nothing happened.

When I got Billy upon a table in our embalming room I jumped back in the car and drove to the ER, after calling the kid's parents and telling them about his injury. My employee looked like he had taken a bat to the forehead. They had just finished X-Rays and were getting ready to sew him up. When his parents arrived, I told them what was going on and that the mortuary would pay for everything.
His father had great insurance thru his work and waved my offer off.

My next stop was the Police Department. I went in and spoke to the watch commander and told him the story. Twice during my complaint, he yawned and was looking around the room. I knew my complaint was going nowhere and that the Chief was just as big an asshole as the W/C was.

After I told the Mortuary owner what happened. I was reamed by him for possibly upsetting the cops and possibly reducing the number of bodies that were referred to us by the cops. I nearly quit, right then and there. Only the very recent birth of my second son, and the resultant expenses, kept me employed. It was still several years before I became a cop and had different BS to deal with.

Hang in there buddy tomorrow is the last day that I have to work, and I should be getting myself back together very soon I'm sorry about the delay things happen though it's life, but tell you what it's getting much better after tomorrow

http://www.kaotic.com/video/nxgFWnat_2018504082246_t A shorter clip was posted 4 April by tkc

I WANT TO ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT....


Years ago, KISS performed at a venue in our town. My partner and I wanted to ogle the women that showed up and find a way to keep our self's entertained. KISS audiences are predominantly white with some Hispanics and Asians sprinkled in. We were assigned 8 hours of parking lot patrol to keep "Whitey" in line. There were two other 2 officer units assigned to this overtime patrol.

We wound up following another marked unit down one of the isles in the parking lot. We drove slowly so we didn't run over any of the drunk or stoned people headed to the concert. The venue had numerous large sign indicating NO ALCOHOL OR OPEN CONTAINERS. As we rolled along, we noticed a van with it's side doors open and about 5 males and 5 females milling around. Every one was drinking beer and or hard liquor. The cops in the car ahead of us said: "Hey you can't drink in the parking lot, dump those beers." Two of the males responded simultaneously: "FUCK YOU, PIG"

All four of us cops jumped out of our cars and rushed the drinkers. "I am not dumping anything." "This beer costs $4 a bottle..." My partner responded by grabbing Mr. Lawyer and ramming his head into the side of the van. Two of the other males took exception to our form of applied police science and tried to aid their friend. Those poor drunk Yuppie turds were no match for hardened ghetto cops.
Within a few painful seconds, all of the males and two of the females were face down in the parking lot, handcuffed and whining. "You can't do this to us....."

One of the more astute of the arrestes noted that we were NOT L.A.P.D. (The LAPD was under a federal over watch program. They were afraid to do any enforcement work, write tickets or anything
other than cash their paychecks.) Our agency was under no such constraints and, within reason, do what we wanted. "No asshole, we're not LAPD." "We don't have to kiss your ass...." Looks of terror swept across the faces of these young scofflaws.

I offered an observation to our new friends: "Perhaps a few hours in our drunk tank with people from another culture, will be a positive experience for some of you." We arrested 4 males for open container, public intoxication and resisting arrest. One of the females had a warrant and was hooked up for that. All of the beer was dumped on the spot, the van was towed and a small quantity of weed was impounded. The five people we arrested were going to miss the concert. They wanted their non arrested friends to sell the tickets for the sold out show. We advised them that 'scalping" was a crime
carrying a $500 fine.

Overall, the cost to the van driver and the others that got arrested was significant. Tow fees, fines, lost ticket costs, lost beer all added up. On the positive side, it was a busy Saturday night in our jail. The arrested white boys had an interesting trans ethnic/cultural experience in our drunk tank. It all could have been avoided if they had simply dumped out a few of their beers and pretended to comply with the cops.

I have not featured any videos whatsoever in a few weeks and even then I got a featured then
I do not have a computer with me I cannot future stuff having featured stuff in weeks

IIIIIEEEEEEEEE, HELLLLLLP MEEEEEE!


I was a brand new junior undertaker, working for the company that picked up bodies all over Los Angeles County. On weekends, I didn't go to school and could work funerals during the day andpick up bodies at night. On one of my first funerals I drove the second limo for a big Mexican funeral in East Los Angeles. When we arrived for the graveside service at Calgary Cemetery, there was a mob scene.

To begin with, the deceased had TWO families. Both of his wife's had a few children in their late teens or early 20's. The two new widows only became aware of each other when they all showed up at the hospital their husband died at, a near riot ensued. As the limos emptied out, the two widows announced to the world how the deceased had loved only them and what a wonderful and caring husband he was.

I stood back with the other limo driver as the casket was being taken to the grave by the pallbearers. Women, young and old, began dropping like flies. Screams and assorted soliloquies were conducted before the women fainted in the language of the Conquistadors. I got ready to run over and help the women, who were flopping around on the wet grass in their best Sunday clothing. My learned associate grabbed me, just before I took off. "Look kid, this is all bullshit." "It's like the Latin Grammy Awards for best acting." "Just watch, if people ignore their performance, they get up in a few seconds." "If the crowd is impressed and gathers around the passed out woman." "She becomes the "best actor" for that particular funeral." "No one really faints at these funerals."

Sure enough, if their speech and faint did well, they drew a crowd. Bad acting and a shitty fake faint would be an insult and everyone would look for a better performer. The fainting and speeches only slowed down when the priest was saying his prayers. When the service ended, the two wifes got into it and I thought they were going to fight. Finally, everyone stood back to watch the casket being lowered.

Mexican families told me that they ALWAYS stayed until the casket was lowered and most of the dirt was filling the grave. Apparently, Mexican Undertakers are not above dumping bodies into the grave and reselling the casket. To avoid suspicion, they watch the full burial. The grave they were using was a double depth grave. The grave was dug extra deep to accommodate two caskets. One of the wife's would spend eternity on top of their husband.

One of the widows was pretty worked up, by the time the cemetery crew was lowering the casket. She had fainted several times and by all factors was considered a good actor. When the casket was about half way down in the grave, she jumped on the casket and "rode it to the bottom of the hole.
That put her performance over the top. everyone at the funeral said she must have loved Julio more than her rival, with a stunt like that! Her "stunt" set off another round of hooting and hollering by most of the women in attendance.

Above all of the screaming and crying came a voice: "Geeeeeeeet meeeeeee ouuuuuuut of deeees hole!" Mexicans were losing their shit, right then and there. The cemetery crew had to run off and find a ladder so they could get the women out of the extra deep grave. She was all mud smeared, with her nylons all torn. Neither of us limo drivers wanted her in our car that we had spent an hour cleaning before the funeral. Finally my associate relented and we dropped the family off at a banquet hall for a morning, afternoon and evening of world class beer drinking and late in the day, brawling.

For the rest of my career, I had real trouble taking Mexican Funerals seriously.