Jezebel is offline (last seen at 4:21 pm, 20 Nov 2018)
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Watching too much shit tends to make you trivialize how horrible people actually are! That's why we laugh and joke at the devil, but in fact we're scared to death!

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11/18/2018 15:41


After I was injured and retired from the police department, I went into Executive Protection full-time.
One of the EP companies I worked for offered me a relatively high paying job working in Tijuana,Mexico.

I would be part of an EP crew responsible for transporting and protection of Japanese executives for the Sony Corporation. Sony execs. lived in San Diego, so every morning, we would pick them up at home and drive to the various plants scattered around Tijuana. Americans can't carry guns in Mexico legally and at the time, TJ police were behind many of the kidnappings and related murders.

The company decided that I would be a great chase car driver. If something happened to the lead car and/or the clients. It would be my job to swoop in and rescue the Japs and my crew. "So what happens if the Mexicans cut the lead car off, shoot the shit out of you guys and try to grab our client?"
"You will drive up, plow into the attackers and die violently when they shoot the shit out of you too."

The guy that ran the detail was a retired SEAL. He was insanely funny and knew his business. On my second day on the job he said: "Let's do some training, get in the chase car and let's go." I followed his Suburban out to the most shithole area of Tijuana (redundant). With no ceremony or warning, he ditched me! American cell phones do not work in Mexico, without a special chip. So there I was out on a dirt road, surrounded by dirt poor Mexicans, many saw me and had evil intent.

I drive by landmarks, not street signs or directions. If you tell me "It's at 135th and Sycamore Ave."
I have little or no clue. If you tell me, "It's next to the 7/11 across the street from the big white church." I can get there. I drove to the nearest high point and found a landmark near our base of operation. Not wanting to screw around, I drove quickly and directly to our base of operations. The
entire Crew came out, looking at their watches. "Damn, we figured you'd get lost or carjacked, but
you got back pretty quickly." "It looks like you passed the test."

I worked in Mexico for four months, until one of our crew got caught trying to smuggle some weed back to the USA. Everybody, including the VERY pissed off Japanese executive were detained by the Mexican Cops. A substantial cash fine was paid, the whole crew got fired and the Japs hired a new company to protect them. Next to working as third man in an armored car during the holidays, this was much more dangerous than being a ghetto cop!


11/13/2018 12:51


11/13/2018 12:50

Hi Jez


11/13/2018 12:50


11/12/2018 21:12

I am looking forward to sending you stories. Please don't hesitate
if you need info or want to make suggestions.


11/12/2018 21:08


Before I became a cop, at the tender young age of 40, I had spent 22 years as a mortician and coroner's investigator. I grew tired of a "dead end career" that paid only fair wages, with long hours and boring as hell 90% of the time. So I started applying for police departments. I had tried to become a cop in my mid 30's but I was too male, too white and too heterosexual to meet federal mandates in Southern California. I decided to give it one last try.

With most police agencies, the oral exam is the first test that weeds out 50% of the applicants or more. You provide the agency with a short, two page application, they look it over and the interview begins. Most interview panels don't bother to read your application and just start asking questions.

Somewhere in every interview they ask the following: "Mr. ________, in our business we have to deal with dead bodies on a regular basis." "Do you think you would have a problem handling dead bodies?" "No sir, I don't think so." (I learned early in life to only provide the information they ask for.) "Oh really, have you ever had to handle a dead body?" "Yes sir, I have." "Oh really, how many dead bodies have you handled in your life?" "Sir, I have never kept count, somewhere between 3-5 thousand."

The responses to my response varied widely. I was called "a god damned liar." I had an interviewer jump out of his chair. Another grabbed my application and started laughing. One even stated that ALL undertakers were Fags and perverts and would not have one on his department! Still others were impressed and asked a few questions about my career.

Because police agencies are reluctant to invest a lot of money in a 40 year old recruit that will probably quit the police academy or be unable to handle the challenging physical and academic 9 month program. I had to pay for my own tuition and equipment. I completed the academy as the class top academic and finished in the top 10% of the physical testing. THEN, people started getting interested in hiring me.

The Chief of Police in sleepy hollow taught the first aid block in the police academy. Everyone in my class knew I was a mortician and a coroner's investigator. When it came time for our CPR practical test, the Chief was doing the grading. For reasons known only to me, I decided to fuck with the Chief.
"Ready, begin CPR...."
"Chief, I can't do it..."
"What do you mean you can't do it?" "Don't you know the technique?"
"Sorry Chief, it's a conflict of interest." I said with a straight face.
By this time, even the tactical officers (D.I.s) were laughing their asses off.
I told the Chief I had been a mortician for years. Even he gave me a smile'

Two hours later, I was pulled out of class and told to report to the training office that the Chief of Police wanted to see me NOW. Oh shit, I must have pissed him off! The Chief sat me down and said
he was impressed with my physical and academic record. If I was interested, he would process me in 3 months, instead of the 6 to 12 months other departments took. True to his word, I was cruising the streets of sleepy hollow in 4 months and put up with in for 3 and a half years. When I left and went to work in the ghetto, they didn't even bother to interview me.

  • avatar
    Love seeing my tax dollars hard at work......better then spending it on new roads.....who cares i drive a truck.....merica...!
    11/21/2018 01:49
  • avatar
    Just guessing that there was some sort of substance that was abused here before that driver and that car.
    11/21/2018 01:47
  • avatar
    Someone let the demons out.....
    11/21/2018 01:44
  • avatar
    Amazing they let them take their cell phones into the prison? Or was that a guard shooting that? But a guard would never go in there alone, so it had to be an inmate, right? Do they even have guards?
    11/21/2018 01:38
  • avatar
    what was the beef?
    11/21/2018 01:33
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